Ma

This is something I have wanted to do for a long time, but have not had the courage to do so until today. Because it takes courage to admit one's weaknesses and failings. Today… I have gathered up enough courage to tell you I'm sorry.

Sorry -for all the occasions I have been disrespectful to you or crossed the line. Some of it might have been in immaturity, some of it an indirect lashing out at my circumstances, or some of it just in the process of asserting myself while growing up. Whatever the reason, I owe you an apology for those innumerable times that you have endured it and forgiven me.I know that you and I have not always agreed on everything, and I'm aware of the distinct possibility that such situations are bound to arise in the future too. Whatever be the topic we disagree on, or however much I stick to my point (which I will, being the stubborn daughter you know so well), I want you to know that I respect you and love you. For you ma, are the sole reason I am the person I am today. If someone compliments me and says I am a nice person, that credit goes in no small measure to you.

There are so many things I have learnt from you. I have learnt that dignity and respect are some of the most important things in life. It is from you that I have learnt how important “swabhimaan” is. I have learnt that honesty is always valued, and that I owe it to myself, if not to others, to be truthful. You have always been a sort of super woman to me, handling both family and work with such finesse. If I turn out to be half the woman you are, that would be an achievement for me.

Today, I will say all the things I have probably never said, or atleast not said enough.

I am Sorry - for every time I have disappointed you, knowingly or unknowingly.

I thank You - for the unconditional love and support you have given me, even in those times when you did not understand my decisions.

I Love you - for making me the person I am, for teaching me that the truly important things in life are love, family and commitment to the things you do.

I would like to tell you all these things myself, in person, but perhaps I am not that brave yet. It is scary to feel deep emotions inside you and to express them. Maybe I will pretend it's not a big deal if you ever happen to read this blog and mention it to me. Because if I do acknowledge it, I am afraid I might cry. You see, I'm not always as brave as I pretend to be. I'm still just your little girl who wants you to be with her forever.

Love you always,Nee chitti talli